i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
