is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The ass gains better be worth it
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