P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
