he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
