I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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