i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
