You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
