Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
