i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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