I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
