sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
