Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
