Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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