my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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