If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
