please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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