Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
