also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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