I cannot find my penis.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
