Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
