i will never coherently bang her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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