It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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