69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
