What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Someone shit on the floor
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
