You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
