I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
