How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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