just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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