It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
NoShamevember. You game?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
