Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
