a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
