Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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