eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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