My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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