you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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