You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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