At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
