She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His wife found the thong I โforgotโ in his glovebox
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