Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
