Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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