You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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