He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize