Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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