I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
