after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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