i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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