no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
