So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
