dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
