We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize