Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
