I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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