Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
