if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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