party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
