I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
