Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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