...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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