I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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