i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
worst night to have a conscience
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
