Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you inspire me to be a worse person
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
