For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize