I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
