Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
