Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
