my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
