I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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