Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
