Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize