You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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