sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
