So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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