I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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