So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
as a side note pls kill me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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