just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
