i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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