sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
