I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
