I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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