Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
