I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
