he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
