The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
