everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
