This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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