you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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