girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize