She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
