I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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