I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
