Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
