I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize