i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
