ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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