yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
