I heard we made out
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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