Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
