all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you didnt know i had herpes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
