let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize